Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Irritating as sh#t

If there's no "I" in team and there's no "U" in team, just who the hell IS on this team?!! And take my name off the roster, please; I have a feeling that I won't like rest of the lineup...
I LOVE the snow- but I hate driving in Providence, where stop signs are for amateurs and using a turn signal means revealing your game plan to the enemy. Campus is never plowed and parking is sudden death w/ no refs in sight. Anonymous co-worker still plants his shiny new BMW in the middle of two spaces... I fear that I may just accidentally sack the side of his car with my plastic Saturn SUV today.... Go Team.

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Obligatory Post

My mother and my friend Mitchell both mentioned today that I have not posted in quite a while. So here goes:
I discovered via Facebook that my daughter is "rethinking her life plan". The life plan that includes 3.5 years of college so far. The same plan for which I filled out the FAFSA forms every year. Because I'm just "better at it". And moved her into college on my first anniversary. And cried my heart out- because we discovered that someone hit her car while we were in the dorm.
The same car that a tree fell on the next year. And that someone broke into- the next year- and stole her stereo out of... And I remember that it was the coldest day of the year and we waited for AAA... And then the Auto Glass Guys...
Not to be confused with the really HOT day when she rear-ended someone. Not her fault- "that lady was so old, she should NOT have been driving". Also not to be confused with the day I got the notice that my license was being suspended for an unpaid parking ticket at the college.....
And after several phone calls to the DMV explaining that the car is registered to me but it really wasn't me; and that she really had intended to pay it as soon as her new checks arrive in the mail.......... Could I please go to traffic tribunal with her? Oh- and bring up her box of checks when they do come in.
Then she sweetens the deal by using me as a case study and an expert- if I could just fill out this quick survey and give "a few really solid quotes" for the paper.
And could I please teach a Pilates class-for free- for her Hall Council friends? On a Monday night? At 10pm? Because we're really busy here at school.
And after years of hearing that I'm not funny, I'm being begged to be a stand-up comic (for free) for the History Club's Night of Comedy- (uh- right?) which no local comedians will agree to work at- for free. AND I had to pay at the door! And then paying the rush fee for a passport for the very-funny-History-Club's trip to southeast Asia. Which was then cancelled due to political unrest and a Tsunami.
And more deliveries: could I just swing by with a witch costume, an end table, some nicer (my) clothes for student teaching, a bike pump, control-top-pantyhose, a griddle**, my wedding gown, some new socks, granola bars, the giant box of Mexican-themed inflatables for Cinco-de-Mayo, canned goods for the food drive, books for the book drive, (all on separate occasions) and two new tires from running over a curb when I specifically TOLD her to wait until morning to go; it's too snowy out to see.
And could I please come get the giant box of Mexican-themed inflatables- it's taking up a lot of room. Thanks, Mummy.

I just feel like some more careful thought should be given to this whole change-of-life-plan thingy- given the amount of effort that "she" has put into a teaching degree thus far.

**Absolutely GENIUS Fund-Raiser Idea: sell grilled-cheese sandwiches at midnight to hungry drunks! That's my girl!

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

A few more hours of bliss

Did you ever go away to an island for a vacation? You know that bittersweet feeling you get on the last day because you know it's almost over? That's how I'm feeling today: Lizzie is coming home tonight after a nice long visit with her Dad. I feel a little bit guilty admitting how much I've enjoyed her absence. John mentioned today that he misses her but I'm still not there. It was FABULOUS getting up when I felt like it, going to the gym on my day off and not worrying about a sitter, going out to eat without ordering nuggets and juice, showering alone, completing every task without stopping to tie a balloon (or seven), and listening to whatever music I wanted to.
If that makes me a bad person, I'll live with the guilt. Maybe I'll burn in Hell, but at least I'll know people there. It's been a long 15 years.....

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Not just fair-weather plungers

Well, we did it: We did the New Year's Day Penguin Plunge in spite of the sub-zero wind-chill factor! It's easy to do it and brag about it when it's 50 out with no wind but today, we earned our rights to brag. It was almost unbearably cold but with a little help from our friends, and a few nips of some awful liqueur, we beat the crap out of the cold and did our civic duty to entertain the masses. My very special friend Lou Ann joined us for her very first plunge and made us proud. (Lizzie made a wise choice and took a little nap in the car.) After a nice brunch of donuts and Bud Light on the beach, we headed home to eat more crap and watch Lifetime TV. Happy New Year, Everyone!