Monday, September 28, 2009
Kind of Creepy
This is weird: I received an email reminder that it's almost time to change the water filter in the fridge. Are my appliances communicating to each other? Do they talk about me behind my back? Does the microwave think I look fat? (Is that why my popcorn always burns?)
Friday, September 25, 2009
Another Great Idea!
New game show: "Are You Smarter than a Scientologist?" Everyone's a winner!
Core Fitness Alert: I'm on for Saturday Yoga for this week, next week, and possibly a few more- stay tuned for more intel.
Final thought for today: Celebrity Gene Pool- did someone pee in it?!!
Core Fitness Alert: I'm on for Saturday Yoga for this week, next week, and possibly a few more- stay tuned for more intel.
Final thought for today: Celebrity Gene Pool- did someone pee in it?!!
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
OMG! times Infinity!
The Duggers are having their 19th baby!
Is there a revolving door in her vagina?
Is there a revolving door in her vagina?
Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Things that make no sense to me:
Braille at the drive-up ATM
People who say that your fake Christmas tree looks so real, or that your real Christmas tree is so perfect, it looks fake
Commenting that the person in the casket looks really good
Non-smoking sections in restaurants- doesn't smoke kind of float around?
Thongs, especially since they're supposedly reusable
When my hygienist asks me how my summer's going while she's scraping away at my molars
Calling a small coffee "Tall" and charging $6.00 for it
People who buy it
People who say that your fake Christmas tree looks so real, or that your real Christmas tree is so perfect, it looks fake
Commenting that the person in the casket looks really good
Non-smoking sections in restaurants- doesn't smoke kind of float around?
Thongs, especially since they're supposedly reusable
When my hygienist asks me how my summer's going while she's scraping away at my molars
Calling a small coffee "Tall" and charging $6.00 for it
People who buy it
Monday, August 24, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Back from the bubble
I know many of you were concerned that I was suffering through 10 days of rain at the beach house but I can assure you that the weather was perfect and now everyone can go back to more important worries such as: "I wonder which celebrity will die this week...." (Can I pick?)
Anyhow, we had ONE day of terrific thunderstorms and nine days of hot sunny bliss. Other than ketchup, no vegetables were consumed. Just burgers, dogs, Del's lemonade, and coconut rum. Ooh- and steak and lobsters one night. BTW, I will be punishing all of my fitness classes this week for my sinful diet.....
Anyhow, we had ONE day of terrific thunderstorms and nine days of hot sunny bliss. Other than ketchup, no vegetables were consumed. Just burgers, dogs, Del's lemonade, and coconut rum. Ooh- and steak and lobsters one night. BTW, I will be punishing all of my fitness classes this week for my sinful diet.....
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Membership Drive
There are some rather well-dressed gentlemen walking around my neighborhood, looking to convert us to whatever religion they practice. I will ignore the doorbell, as I have PMS. Besides- how good is this group if they have to go out begging for new members?!!
Now I hear there is a rally in Providence this weekend in support of people who hate Jews, gay people, and the military. I would like to go and throw rocks at them, but then I would be as hateful as they are. So now I'm thinking about starting my own group and calling it "The Human Race". All are welcome to join! Are you Gay? Come on in! Are you Jewish, Buddist, or Muslim? Right this way! Pro-Life? Pro-Choice? Procrastinater? Plenty of room! Are you fat? We'll make room! Do you hate fat people? You can come in, too, but try not to say anything rude. Vegetarians: come on down! You can set up next to the tailgaitin', red-meat-grillin', cocktail-sippin' Jimmy Buffet fans! They're over next to the A.A. folks. And Mensas? Go hang out with the Special Olympians and put all that smarty-pants-ness to good use.
Cat people, dog people, chess players, shoplifters, atheists, people who go to daily Mass, writers, painters, my former in-laws, zoo-keepers, floor-sweepers, televangelists and telemarketers, pan-handlers, lawyers, firefighters, arsonists, antagonists, protagonists, bigots, process-servers, ice-cream truck drivers, married, single, kids, sailors, black people, white people, bald, hairy, tattoo-ed, pierced, blind, wheelchair-bound, liars (go sit with the deaf folks) and everyone not mentioned above is hereby invited to join our little group. Now stand (or sit) and say (or sign) our pledge: (or just repeat a few key phrases over and over if you have Autism)
I hereby promise to adhere to the laws of the Human Race:
I will share what I have.
I will cheerfully help others.
I will take turns.
I will keep my opinions to myself.
Now I hear there is a rally in Providence this weekend in support of people who hate Jews, gay people, and the military. I would like to go and throw rocks at them, but then I would be as hateful as they are. So now I'm thinking about starting my own group and calling it "The Human Race". All are welcome to join! Are you Gay? Come on in! Are you Jewish, Buddist, or Muslim? Right this way! Pro-Life? Pro-Choice? Procrastinater? Plenty of room! Are you fat? We'll make room! Do you hate fat people? You can come in, too, but try not to say anything rude. Vegetarians: come on down! You can set up next to the tailgaitin', red-meat-grillin', cocktail-sippin' Jimmy Buffet fans! They're over next to the A.A. folks. And Mensas? Go hang out with the Special Olympians and put all that smarty-pants-ness to good use.
Cat people, dog people, chess players, shoplifters, atheists, people who go to daily Mass, writers, painters, my former in-laws, zoo-keepers, floor-sweepers, televangelists and telemarketers, pan-handlers, lawyers, firefighters, arsonists, antagonists, protagonists, bigots, process-servers, ice-cream truck drivers, married, single, kids, sailors, black people, white people, bald, hairy, tattoo-ed, pierced, blind, wheelchair-bound, liars (go sit with the deaf folks) and everyone not mentioned above is hereby invited to join our little group. Now stand (or sit) and say (or sign) our pledge: (or just repeat a few key phrases over and over if you have Autism)
I hereby promise to adhere to the laws of the Human Race:
I will share what I have.
I will cheerfully help others.
I will take turns.
I will keep my opinions to myself.
Monday, May 11, 2009
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Season Opener
Swimming season, that is...
It's an unusually warm day for April so of course Lizzie wanted to put on a bikini and go to the beach. So I caved- as usual- and brought her to the beach. I really thought that after just wading in, Lizzie would find it to be a little too cold for swimming but nope- she went in! Everyone on shore gave her a standing ovation when she got out. We had to go right home and have a nice hot tub with lots of toys and bubbles. So that's 3 sessions of water-play today, if you include her dunking her head in a fountain at the new consignment store this morning...
It's an unusually warm day for April so of course Lizzie wanted to put on a bikini and go to the beach. So I caved- as usual- and brought her to the beach. I really thought that after just wading in, Lizzie would find it to be a little too cold for swimming but nope- she went in! Everyone on shore gave her a standing ovation when she got out. We had to go right home and have a nice hot tub with lots of toys and bubbles. So that's 3 sessions of water-play today, if you include her dunking her head in a fountain at the new consignment store this morning...
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