E-vite

Everyone is invited to join us for the Penguin Plunge on New Year's Day: Noon at Mackeral Cove in Jamestown. You'll find us: we're the gang with the giant white tent (with penguin-shaped windows) and we're all wearing Uncle Sam hats. Jello shots, snacks, and extra hats provided. Bring a friend, a snack, a six-pack, - whatever! Lizzie has smartened up and decided not to go in this year. And YES, the water is cold!

Holiday Complaints

Wow- it's been a while since I've posted! It has been a very busy time with all the shopping and wrapping and lying on the couch watching cheesy holiday movies on Lifetime.
Although I'm still enjoying all the Christmas music and all the snow, I do have a few things I need to vent about: Why is it easier to open a box of ammo than it is to get a doll out of a package? 
By the time I have finally freed Barbie from her cardboard prison and loosened her wire-tie restraints and un-taped her unusually long ponytail, I could have gone out, purchased a Glock, EASILY opened several boxes of hollow-point, armor-piercing rounds, and visited the Post Office. 
Not that I would.....

Another thing: who invented stick-on bows? They don't actually stick to anything except each other. And they get squashed in transit. I think a nice wad of duct tape could easily be substituted and would look equally attractive.
I did have another GREAT IDEA though: instead of gift tags (another waste of trees), why not just use an actual gift CARD to announce the lucky gift recipient? 
Look- here's your name and $25.00 to spend at TJMaxx! 
Ooh- this one's for me- and $25.00 worth of ammo! Happy Holidays!

My Family in New Hampshire

Have you seen the news? Most of Mass. and NH received a walloping ice storm and have basically "left the building". There is no power and there might not be for another week at least. Pipes are freezing and bursting, lines and trees are down, and people are cold and hungry. If you have a well, there's no running water. There are no generators left and no fuel to power them as none of the gas stations are open. My Dad just turned 82 last week and today he's throwing out all the food in the fridge that has gone bad. My Mom always has batches of home-baked beans, soup stock, and sauce (made from Dad's garden tomatoes) in the freezer. Maybe it will stay cold enough in the cellar... So they're staying with my one niece who still has power and I'm sure they'll be fine if the wine stays chilled! Tomorrow my husband is bringing up a generator and some fuel so they can go back home to the cat. (!) Her water bowl is probably frozen!
So although you can't do anything for them, I'm asking you to give a little gift to the Red Cross (who provides disaster relief), to your local food bank, or to Toys for Tots. Sometimes it helps to visualize just who you might be helping.

Insanity wins again!

Lizzie tends to not like massive crowds, noisy places, overstimulating environments, etc. So I decided to "cure" all that at once and brought her to her very first rock concert because I've always wanted to see Trans Siberian Orchestra! It was Loud, there were laser lights and pyrotechnics and screaming fans and it was two and a half hours long! But it was everything that Lizzie loves: Christmas music, Classical music, and intense Rock and Roll! SHE LOVED IT! She was so good! Hurray Liz! Can we go again next year, Santa?

Public Service Announcement

So I've been doing some Holiday shopping on line (free shipping rocks!) and I noticed that some of my packages arrive with little packets of Silica Gel. These packets are designed to absorb moisture and keep your gifts mildew-free during their journey. How thoughtful! However- they are clearly marked "Caution- do not eat!" So in case you didn't notice the tiny print and were wondering what kind of wine to serve with Silica Gel packets, don't bother- it's not food. This warning also applies to batteries and cat litter.

REALLY Stupid People- and other things I discovered while noodling around on line...

"Bogus Stem Cell Therapies Sold On Internet"
Really!! Wow- I am so surprised. I'm also nervous that the Artificial Heart I got on Ebay is a knock-off. Maybe someone should compile a list of "Things not to buy online". Here's what I have so far: perishables, undergarments, birth control of any kind, syringes. And, of course, stem cells.
I heard that the pregnant guy (true story) was impregnated by his wife using frozen sperm they bought online. I think I'll add frozen sperm to my list.
I mean, what if it was actually Llama sperm? You just don't know. I do think that "Llama Sperm" would be a great name for a band, though.

Anyhoooo- I just yesterday discovered Hulu- a website where you can watch shows and stuff. I was LMAO while watching "Family Guy" (a Brilliant show!) and that's when I spilled the coffee on the keyboard. Definately using a travel mug from now on.

Silver Lining

On the one hand, I spilled a cup of coffee on my keyboard. On the other hand, all the pizza crumbs finally got flushed out.

Are you TRYING to piss me off?

Things I hate: (in no particular order)
typos
mediocrity
one-day sales
passive-aggressiveness
pettiness
parking at JWU
scolding
censorship
okra